What do you do?

okay so... i have really strict parents. culture & religion all ties in greatly with my family. my mother is reasonable, all i have to do is talk to her and we build an understanding. she's always willing to negotiate with me. my father, however, he's another story. there's no talking to him; i've tried a million times. we just never come to an understanding about ANYTHING. if any female has an arabic father & you're reading this right now...you know exactly what im going to say. he's just downright coldhearted. he's never shown any kind of sympathy or love towards me. i just have to do what im told & his word is always the last word. now, me being the person that i am & raised out here in america (thank god)..i dont agree with it and we constantly fight because of our different beliefs. yes, he gives me a roof over my head; food & water; but thats all basic needs. YOU HAVE TO DO THAT AS A PARENT. i jus finished my second yr of college & should be graduating sometime this yr & movin on to continue so i can get a masters degree.. im halfway there. im 19 yrs old. i do great in school; i dont smoke; i dont drink often. im not braggin or anythin but shyt; i dont get any kind of recognition for anything good that i do. he doesnt want me dating; he wants to choose the man im going to marry...like, that's just ridiculous. I'm glad i dont have one those OD strict fathers who wont even let me go to the grocery store down the block; but that might as well be the case if he has to have me home early; know who im with @ all times; where i am @ all times...its like..LET ME BREATHE! im 19 yrs old, not 10. he's never done nuttin for me; we have such a bad history..i just feel like; you didnt worry so much about me then; why worry now when im old enough to take care of myself? half of the time; i really dont bother to listen to him but i can't od & stay out all night either because im afraid of what he'll do.

im so thankful i have my mother here to defend me & stand up for me. shes my hero but there's only so much she can do though. Some say i should rebel, some say i should deal with it now & when im financially stable & ready to be on my own...then i leave & do my own thing. I used to be such a bad ass when i was younger; me & my father went as far as calling the cops on each other, beating me up, or trapping me in the house. Nothing good came out of it. I always intended on finishing school & starting a career and gettin the hell out of here..but its hard when it feels so far away. its like im suffocating in this hell house of mine. one of these days im just gonna snap. Arab girls: you know damn well if you leave, you'll live your own life but you aint comin back & will probably never see your family again. you also know damn well if you rebel, you'll suffer from physical & mental abuse & they'll do everything in their power to trap you even more @ home....so what do you do? Run & hope you're life works out or risk the chance of gettin the phsycial & mental abuse & eventually going insane? literally..

Those of you who dont have a clue of what im talking about, search up HONOR KILLINGS on google or yahoo. i'll leave a link @ the bottom. these killings/suicides dont happen as often but it does still exist today. my situation is nothing compared to theirs. my heart goes out to them =[.

Anywho; sorry this was long...but thanks for taking the time out & reading this.<3

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing